I'm Being Fed

Don't worry aunt Janet, they are feeding me! Yes, that is a tentacle sticking out of a fried dough ball.

My last day at the seminar house was spent doing laundry and packing. I rushed around looking for wrapping paper to give them the gifts I bought. I payed 5 bucks for 2 2x3 ft sheets of clover print paper. I was pissed. I left the Seminar House to meet them at the school. My friend Eriko was going to be the bi-lingual contract goer-overer between my host family and I. I waited anxiously in a room trying to imagine how they would be. Eriko finally called me out and I met my host mother!

As we went over the contract, I found out that I don't have any chores but to walk the dog, no curfew, I would receive my own key, I would clean my own room but wouldn't have to do laundry, and that they have internet. All this = happy Nick.

My host family lives real close to the school, which I am very grateful for. They could live 2 hours away, and I could have to commute by a combination of bike, bus, train, and walking. Instead, I have a nice, relatively traffic-free, 10 or 15 minute ride to school. I'm only 5 minutes downhill from the Seminar Houses where my friends live, too.

Minoru (M) and Fujimi (F) Sonada are their names. They are very nice and I'm their 8th international student. Fujimi likes to cook (and is really damn good at it) and she works at a nursing home just down the street. Minoru apearantly likes to fish, ski, and drive, but I've only seen him drive. Because they don't speak English, most of what I say is based on my limited communication among each other, but I believe my host father is retired, but he has a part time job delivering furniture.

When I first got back to their house, I gave them the presents, which were books about my hometown's lighthouse and Michigan, candy, "I <3 NY" shirts, Frank's Red Hot Sauce, my mom's homemade strawberry jam, and I shared a picture book with them. Gift giving in Japan is very common and free giving. When I gave them these gifts, I was honestly expecting something in return out of what I had learned about the culture. Kansai Gaidai even emailed us saying, "although it isn't necessary to purchase a gift for your host family, it is strongly recommended getting them a gift as they will most likely have one prepared for you." I didn't get any from them. I wasn't sure how to react to this either: Did their last homestay students not get them anything, while they bought the students something, which made them embarrassed, therefore they didn't get me anything because they didn't want to embarrass me? Did they just not think it important? Were they embarrassed after I gave them something and they had nothing to give in return? Would they buy me something as a gift in the future? Would it alter the relationship bringing me to a temporarily heightened status as they feel obligated to treat me to things? As strange or selfish as this may sound, it's simply looking at the situation through both objective and subjective socio-cultural and anthropological lenses.

They have two kids that no longer live under the same roof, but they do have a golden lab named Smiley. When Eriko went over the contract, she said they have a dog named Love, but appearantly she meant the dog was a lab (the sound is the same in Japanese,) but I kept called the dog, "Love, [come here] Love" and it would just sit there. After about a week of them saying Sumairi (Smiley) instead of Love when addressing the dog, I inquired again. I felt like an idiot, obviously.

They live in an average house that is modern but traditional. They have maybe one or two rooms with a tatami floor, but my room is wood with a rug on the 2nd floor. I haven't peeked in the other rooms to see how they are yet, obviously it's their personal space, so unless I'm invited--actually, why the hell would they invite me into their room? Ha. Anyway, when you walk up to the house, there is a spongy gate that collapses and folds in and out. Once you enter the "driveway" there is an overhang that protects you from rain with onions hanging from it. The bikes are parked near the left side. On the right side is their garden which is very Asian. When you walk into the house, there is an area where you remove your shoes with a dog cage. Once their off, you step up about a foot or so into the house. The [high tech] toilet is in a separate room than the bath, shower and sink. Though, when you flush, instead of having the water flow directly into the tank, it comes out of a faucet that drains into the tank, so you can rinse your hands after you do your business. Very economical, I might say. The kitchen and living room are very condensed. The kitchen table is the only furniture in the whole house aside from coffee tables and my Western style bed. That means that when you watch tv, you grab a pad and sit on it... The bath/shower/sink/laundry room is appended from the kitchen/dining/living room. The bath is so different than the west. Imagine a small bathroom with no sink or toilet. The place where all that stuff belongs is the shower, and the bath is in it's normal spot. Japanese bath culture is for relaxation, not cleansing, so when you want to take a bath, you take a shower first so you are clean getting in the water. Water is also shared by members of the family. It's kind of awkward to get used to knowing that someone is either going to get into the water you were just in, or that someone was just in the water you're in, and even when you are done, the water will be used for laundry, so don't drain it, ha. The bathtub is set up so it's more vertical than horizontal, so you are fully submerged which is nice. When you exit the bath/shower, there is the washing machine and a sink and mirror. My family doesn't sleep in the same room at night, and I'm not sure if that is what a normal Japanese husband and wife do after their child-bearing age has passed, or maybe since they go to work at different times. But anyway, my host father's room is a tatami floor with a futon, tv, piano and closet. My room is a [damn stiff] bed with a table and wardrobe. The curtains are pink, and my bed spread is floral...

My host mother works 18 hr shifts after she cooks and cleans and when she comes home, she takes a nap and cooks again, then finally retires for the night. I don't know how she does it, but she takes these shifts maybe twice a week, plus working "regular people" hours a few days. Though I don't have any chores, I still felt helpless while she did all the work. I had to think of something to do, so I decided one day that I would wash the dishes. I was really taken back by her response to me saying, "I will wash the dishes tonight." One might think she would say "Oh, no, it's okay. I'll do them," but she simply said "Ok." Japanese culture impounds the idea of enryou into people's heads from childhood. It is basically the tendency to hold back for the time being. For example, having someone go in front of you on the elevator, or resisting someone's offer for a drink when you visit. If you say "have a drink" enough times, they will take it, but they have the initially resistance. Similarly, I was expecting my host mother to say that she would do it herself, but when she said "Ok," I was really surprised and it made me wonder a few things: Is she getting annoyed that I haven't done something politely or correctly? Did I forget to take the dog out or something? Is she just tired? Is it because she has had 8 students before and knows that they will just do the dishes anyway? Again, it was a very simple situation but it stuck in my head for a few days. However, from then on, I do everyone's dishes in return for cooking the meal as well as other favors.

I've talked far too long and totally invalidated one of my posts saying "you'll never get another post this long again." So I will just post this one and get it over with.

Pictures (On Facebook)
Homestay 1 (very incomplete)
Fun around town
Around Campus
Kyoto Trip 2
Cemetery (again. look at the last page. AMAZING pictures were added.)
New York (from Aug)


Thoughts and feelings of Japan today:

ERRRR, back it up. Not everyone is so godam friendly. There are some old bastards that walk the river trail who don't move for anything. They will take one look at my white face and red hair and dash their eyes to something more entertaining like a white fence. Other people are too friendly and because I haven't gained the social skills to say euphematically, "I'm sorry, I have to put away these groceries. I'll talk to you later," I end up talking to long to strangers with cute dogs.

I don't miss my family TOO much. I don't miss my friends TOO much. But I miss Tawas City, MI tremendously! I go home every fall and be nostalgic, but not this year... It's killing me.

People are mostly indifferent. I must have just been overly friendly at first.

Who the hell gives out vehicle licenses here? They obviously are a monkey, seeing that I've almost been hit like 4 times.